Improving Pleasure with the Use of Play in Psychosexual Therapy
Sex is often perceived as a high-pressure activity. Many people feel weighed down by expectations of “performing well,” which can create anxiety and even take away from intimacy. When therapy enters the picture (whether individually or as a couple) the seriousness can intensify. With homework, readings, and weekly check-ins, sex may begin to feel more like schoolwork than a source of connection and joy.
This is where Play comes in. Introducing lightheartedness into sexual exploration can transform the experience. Play helps to relieve pressure, increase satisfaction, and bring back the joy of discovery. Instead of striving for perfection, partners can focus on curiosity, fun, and shared enjoyment.
What Do I Mean by Play?
The American Psychological Association defines play as any activities individuals or groups choose and engage in primarily for personal or collective pleasure.
In childhood, play is how we connect, imagine, and experiment. Teenagers, too, often express themselves playfully in their early sexual encounters, through games like spin the bottle or sneaking kisses in secret. These experiences are usually remembered with feelings of excitement, curiosity, and pleasure.
But as adults, sex is often reframed as something serious, romantic, or passionate. With very specific scripts and expectations that we must follow. While these qualities can be meaningful, many of us still crave the spark and thrill of playful exploration. Bringing a sense of imagination and fun back into the bedroom can reignite pleasure for its own sake.
The Power of Play in Sexual Wellbeing
Approaching intimacy as play allows us to:
Experiment without fear of “failure.”
Explore roles, identities, and fantasies.
Use toys and accessories with curiosity rather than shame.
Shift the focus from performance to enjoyment.
Even something as simple as visiting an adult toy shop can feel playful. Like children exploring a toy aisle, couples may find themselves overwhelmed (in the best way) by the shapes, colors, and possibilities. The process can spark conversations about desires and preferences that might otherwise remain unspoken.
Play also helps separate sex from external pressures, such as fertility struggles. It reminds couples what it feels like to connect purely for enjoyment, rather than focusing on outcomes. For those navigating sexual dysfunction, trauma, or anxiety, play can lift the burden of “needing” orgasm or penetration. Instead, intimacy becomes an experience of shared laughter, vulnerability, and pleasure.
How to Bring Play into Intimacy
Be curious
Everyone enjoys different sensations and scenarios. Approach intimacy with curiosity rather than expectation. If something feels awkward, laugh and move on as it’s all part of the process.Relax
Bodies are unpredictable, and intimacy doesn’t have to be perfect. Practicing relaxation techniques before sex can help, but so can simply embracing the imperfections as they come.Communicate
Communication doesn’t end in therapy, it belongs in the bedroom too. Use words, laughter, and eye contact to strengthen connection in the moment. Share what feels good, what doesn’t, and what you’d like to try next.
Activities to Spark Playfulness
Messy sex: Lay down an old sheet and use body-safe paints to create art together with your bodies. See where the paint ends up on yourselves as well as the sheet.
Body mapping with food: Try whipped cream or chocolate sauce to explore zones of pleasure and curiosity. Guiding your partner to areas of your body they haven’t explored before
Kissing with ice cubes: Passing ice between your mouths is bound to go wrong, bring about a giggle, and make things wetter than usual. There doesn’t have to be an intense goal of the intimacy, only to enjoy the act.
Toy shopping: Choose a new toy together, unbox it, and explore its settings on different parts of your bodies. Bonus points if you use lube!
By embracing play, sex shifts away from performance and towards exploration. It becomes less about doing things “right” and more about finding joy together. Whether you’re working through challenges or simply looking to deepen intimacy, inviting play into your sex life can make pleasure feel natural, exciting, and deeply fulfilling.
You don’t need to “fix” yourself — you just need the right tools, support, and a place where your sexual wellbeing can flourish.
Book your session with me today and start reclaiming intimacy in a way that feels good for you!
